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My Thoughts on Marriage {the 2nd year}

June 19, 2012

With our anniversary being tomorrow, I’ve been thinking a lot about how far Evan and I have come in the last few years, both as individuals and as a couple. After 2 years of being married, I’ve learned a few things and I’d like to share with you my thoughts. Would you like to hear?

Marriage takes effort. And I mean that in the most pure, unattached, neutral way. This is not coming from a place of frustration and I’d just like to make that clear because I feel that the word effort is often attached to “work” and work is never any fun (well, usually it’s no fun). No, marriage is not work but it does take effort because it’s not necessarily the most natural thing. Think about it, you’re taking two human beings, with two different upbringings, two different sets of parents, basically two different everything and putting them under one roof to coexist. Yes, you find common ground, of course, and that’s usually where the attraction stems from to begin with. But for every similarity you may share with your partner, there’s probably one difference….maybe even two. For example, I’m an early bird, Evan can sleep until noon, I’m messy and scatter-brained, Evan is neat and organized, I love dessert, Evan would prefer a second helping of mashed potatoes…the list goes on and on.

On the other hand, we both love music (all sorts), we love to travel and eat…and eat while we travel, we love making lists and crossing things off of those lists, we love to save our change all year-long and go out to a nice dinner knowing that it came from the nickels and cents that we gathered from our pockets, we love art and design and we encourage each other to explore and be creative…this list can go on and on too.

The similarities are the things about each other that are easiest to live with and accept, it’s the differences that make you wonder, “why does he hit his snooze button 15 times before waking up…why doesn’t he just wake up later?!” (true story). If you can sleep through a snoozing alarm clock for an hour without losing your cool…that’s called love. And when you’re in love, the “effort” comes easy, but it’s there.

A FEW THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM BEING MARRIED 2 YEARS

1. Kissing, hugging and showing affection never gets old. Do it! Kiss him on the cheek, on the lips, on the neck! Hold hands, be cuddly. Never hesitate.

2. Doing the dishes together counts as a date night. Enjoy the little moments.

3. Don’t ask your husband if you look fat in whatever ensemble you’re trying to fit into…no answer he gives will satisfy you. Let the poor guy be. He loves you and he thinks you’re beautiful.

4. Take 15 minutes to talk each night and debrief a little on the happenings of the day. But really listen, let him speak and tell you everything…even if he uses words like rotoscoping and compositing.

5. Don’t be afraid to let him know when you’re upset but do it in a constructive way…and don’t be surprised when he tells you that he’s upset about something. It’s okay to not agree. The important thing is that you respect each other.

Lastly, I just wanted to leave you with this little story…A friend of ours who has been married for over 38 years gave us a bit of advice recently, he said, “remember that every decision you make from the tiniest, most mundane one to the hugest, life-altering one affects the other person.” In the same conversation he also said, “…you two are going to be married for 50 years…no, 70!” It made my day.

xoxo- Paola

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23 Comments leave one →
  1. June 19, 2012 12:13 am

    This blog post is great! Congratulations on your anniversary :)

  2. June 19, 2012 12:15 am

    Beautiful.

  3. June 19, 2012 1:27 am

    Congratulation! I’ve been married for two and a half years and this post rings so true. Our date nights are usually spent over a chemistry book, with my husband explaining what I cooked for dinner on a molecular level. Who needs to go out with conversation like that?

  4. June 19, 2012 1:51 am

    Happy Anniversary! My fiance and I are getting married next June. We already live by our own version of this list, but I may have to frame this as a wedding gift to ourselves! Thanks for sharing.

    Here’s to the next two years and a hundred after that!

    Lorna

  5. June 19, 2012 3:14 am

    I love number 2 about date night and agree – and I love your friend’s advice. Here’s to another 70!

  6. June 19, 2012 3:22 am

    Happy 2nd Anniversary :)

  7. June 19, 2012 4:07 am

    Congratulations – may you and your husband have many more happy years together. A lovely post, and so true! My husband and I are coming up for 9 years soon, and he still sets his alarm 30 minutes early so that he can hit ‘snooze’ a couple of times… it drives me insane, but there’s no-one I’d rather go nuts with :)

  8. June 19, 2012 4:14 am

    Congratulations and thanks for a lovely post sharing your experience and insight.

  9. June 19, 2012 5:06 am

    So sweet. And thanks for the reminder about #3. Even at 17 years married, we still need a gentle reminder once in a while ;)

    Happy Anniversary!

  10. June 19, 2012 5:26 am

    Happy anniversary, and what a lovely post. I’ll remember this :)

  11. June 19, 2012 6:44 am

    Congratulations on your anniversary! We wish you many more years of happiness & love.

  12. June 19, 2012 7:02 am

    Great advice! This October I will have been married for 2 years as well, although we’ve been together for almost 8. It’s taken a lot of effort to get this far and will take more as we discover new challenges, but it’s been more than worth it. I see how far we’ve each grown individually and as a couple and it makes me really proud and excited for our future.

    I totally do this too. My alarm clock on my phone will cut me off after 6 times, though. :P

    • Carmel permalink
      June 19, 2012 7:02 am

      Somehow my quote of your quote got erased…I was referencing hitting the snooze 15 times.

  13. June 19, 2012 7:20 am

    truly a wonderful post! makes me excited for that chapter in my life!
    *Happy anniversary!
    -Jackie

  14. Cheryl Lesser permalink
    June 19, 2012 9:56 am

    Congrats to a very special couple!

  15. June 19, 2012 12:01 pm

    Happy anniversary!

  16. Ciara permalink
    June 19, 2012 12:40 pm

    Love Love Love… Happy Anniversary!!!! oxoxox

  17. June 19, 2012 3:13 pm

    I have to say…I am guilty of # 3 but you are right. Congrats on your anniversary!

  18. June 21, 2012 7:21 am

    Fantastic advice! I absolutely agree with all of it. The dishes tip especially made me smile. It sounds like you must have had 2 pretty awesome years of marriage! Congrats!

  19. June 25, 2012 7:00 am

    I really like how you clearly defined the difference between effort and work. Effort is something that you are willing to do, especially for love… and work is something that you don’t want to do. I like your explanation :).. and Happy Anniversary to you!

    • love and cupcakes permalink*
      June 28, 2012 11:42 pm

      Thank you so much! “effort is something that you are willing to do”…yes, exactly!

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